WAITING ROOM THOUGHTS

I am in a situation when the whole ‘waiting room’ experience is hitting me hard. It is that time when you are waiting in a crisis situation for a verdict. And it is an almost paralysing sensation. You feel powerless and you feel frightened. Your mind cannot concentrate. You can just barely function doing menial tasks. You wish there was something you could do. You wish you could know… But then what if – as the waiting comes to an end – it is bad news…

As I wrestle with these feelings and thoughts, I am reminded of the Master’s words about worry. I realise that on one hand, worry is almost a defence mechanism that stops our minds and bodies from having a ‘meltdown’. Yet, on another hand, it reveals that on a spiritual level, I am not in control. And that is the place none of us want to be. We fear it and we fight it. We want to be back in control.

This is a time of a fresh surrender, laying down arms and recognising that I cannot run my life or that of those whom I love and care for, facedown before the Only One who knows best and can run my life.

This is a time to realise that spiritual DIY plagues me just as much as those characters in Scripture whom I see making fatal mistakes. I need to repent daily of those ego-trips, whatever disguise they might wear.

This is a time to let the tears be shared around – not just for those whom I love and care for but also those around in my community and even further afield. Self-pity and selfishness will always poison the well of compassion that the Holy Spirit longs to birth in our hearts in hard times.

My hope is in the Lord, my eyes are on His glory, my mouth declares His wonders and my pursuit is His renown.

 

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3 thoughts on “WAITING ROOM THOUGHTS

  1. I am very sorry about the crisis you are going through. I do know a thing or to (what an understatement!) about worry and fear… it’s my chronic temptation. Recently I read a book called “One Thousand Gifts. A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are”, by Ann Voskamp. It is said to be life-changing and it is. It’s all about learning (and it’s not easy learning) to see each moment as a gift from God and to give thanks, trusting in the wisdom of this moment that God chose to be as it is… It is really helpful for me. The practical thing it’s taught me to do is to start a running list (a whole new notebook devoted to it) of ways in which God shows His love on a daily basis… It’s a way of looking at life with new eyes. So many things I see now which I took for granted before and never offered thanks for in a specific way.

    She says that you can only feel one emotion at a time. If you feel gratitude, you won’t feel anger or fear. And this:

    “Thanks is what builds trust. (…) … This living a lifestyle of intentional gratitude became an unintentional test in the trustworthiness of God – and in counting blessings I stumbled upon the way out of fear. Can God be counted on? Count blessings and find out how many of His bridges have already held.”

    I find it really helpful – and I testify that as I’m doing this in my imperfect way it DOES work.

    May God bless you with peace of mind and strength!

  2. WORRY replaced by Prayer equals TRUST! Philipians4:6 don’t be anxious…but pray…..with thanksgiving! …and experience His peace! Is26:3 peace is not the absence of trouble but the presence of God ( J Oswald Sanders). focus on Him!

  3. WORRY replaced by PRAYER equals TRUST. Philippians 4:6 ‘don’t worry…but pray…with thanksgiving…. And experience His PEACE! Isaiah 26:3 ‘Peace is not the absence of trouble but the presence of God!’ (J Oswald Sanders) Focus on Him with thankful prayer…..and I pray you will be overwhelmed by His peace!

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