I am in a situation when the whole ‘waiting room’ experience is hitting me hard. It is that time when you are waiting in a crisis situation for a verdict. And it is an almost paralysing sensation. You feel powerless and you feel frightened. Your mind cannot concentrate. You can just barely function doing menial tasks. You wish there was something you could do. You wish you could know… But then what if – as the waiting comes to an end – it is bad news…
As I wrestle with these feelings and thoughts, I am reminded of the Master’s words about worry. I realise that on one hand, worry is almost a defence mechanism that stops our minds and bodies from having a ‘meltdown’. Yet, on another hand, it reveals that on a spiritual level, I am not in control. And that is the place none of us want to be. We fear it and we fight it. We want to be back in control.
This is a time of a fresh surrender, laying down arms and recognising that I cannot run my life or that of those whom I love and care for, facedown before the Only One who knows best and can run my life.
This is a time to realise that spiritual DIY plagues me just as much as those characters in Scripture whom I see making fatal mistakes. I need to repent daily of those ego-trips, whatever disguise they might wear.
This is a time to let the tears be shared around – not just for those whom I love and care for but also those around in my community and even further afield. Self-pity and selfishness will always poison the well of compassion that the Holy Spirit longs to birth in our hearts in hard times.
My hope is in the Lord, my eyes are on His glory, my mouth declares His wonders and my pursuit is His renown.